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What You Seek

by Tammy Shaklee, Relationship Expert and H4M FounderJanuary 30, 2017
Holding hands

“What you seek is seeking you.” Jalaluddin Rumi

For those of us who are driven, waking up each day is the opportunity to go for what we truly want for ourselves. Whether it’s related to career, passion, our interests, for our chosen family, or even in finding love.

In any given week, I am inundated with friends, acquaintances, both divorcees and singletons, young and no longer as young, all consistently complaining to me about online dating. Among the complaints is the volume or quantity, both of sites and apps, and also of alleged singles seeking a “long-term relationship.” But what I hear repeatedly is about the lack of quality, and the most common saying, “All they want is a hookup.” After five years of listening to this, I am never told, “It’s so worth it.”

The overriding theme often times seems to be indecency, with the runners up, class, sophistication, and a good person.

Texting, sexting, and immediate sharing and requesting of photos of your “goods” may be a little immediate gratification or turn on for some, but more often I hear how off-putting the singleton found it. As a client once said, “I’ve been out with him three times, but I could never date him long-term.” Why, I asked. “Because I met him on Grindr.” Yes, but you were on Grindr too, so as to have met him. Yes, but I could never be serious about a man I met on Grindr.

And so the struggle continues.

Quality singles recognize the value in themselves. They have and continue to work hard, and are proud of their progress, their accomplishments, their goals and dreams. They love animals, children, fellow man, and the elderly. They are kind, have compassion, empathy. They work to be the best they can be, and are doing the same to change the world some small degree. And they often say to me, “I just want him (or her) to be a decent human being, genuine, kind, who takes good care of themselves.”

What might surprise you is that never once has someone approached me, or interviewed with us on Skype or in our office, and asked for a “millionaire.” Never. Genuine singles are out there. And they simply want their person. And they are realistic enough to recognize that they themselves aren’t perfect, so they’re not seeking perceived perfection. They can recognize their own quirks, so are open to those of others.

My favorite closing in many of our interviews is in simply sharing that “You are not alone.” I promise you there are other quality singles just like you, as I meet them every week. He (or she) is also frustrated being single, and they are also searching for you and some days wonder where you are, and when you’ll arrive in their world.

What you seek is seeking you. So don’t give up just because this last relationship or prospect ended. No regrets. Each relationship and experience is preparing you for the right relationship. So on the days, or evenings, or weekends when you get discouraged, call us, and I’ll remind you. It’s the least I can do.

For more information on traditional introductions, courting, and dating for today’s modern gay single, contact H4M—the offline, personal matchmaking service designed exclusively for those seeking a long-term relationship. You can also follow our Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter for inspiration on finding love. #loveislove
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Philosophy #1

What you seek is seeking you.

- Jalaluddin Rumi