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I’m Talking to YOU — as an Actual Person

by Tammy Shaklee, Relationship Expert and H4M FounderNovember 3, 2023

For 11 years, I have listened. I have consistently and methodically asked thousands of LGBTQ singles about their dating lives. Sometimes for up to an hour and a half. And I have listened to what seems like an endless list of online or app dating stories that I would categorize as, "If it seems too good to be true, it is."

I have heard stories of catfishing, scamming, opportunists, conniving, cruelty, and mischief. I have heard these stories from some of the smartest, most highly educated intellectuals I have ever interviewed. And I have heard them from the sweetest, most down-home, good-hearted singles I have ever met.

Now, with the growth and popularity of the matchmaking industry, to which I credit perhaps online fatigue, lack of real results, and the increase of matchmaking in entertainment, we get the added layer of AI in the attempt to simply meet a compatible partner online. So, our team decided to conduct a survey and let singles tell us their thoughts and feelings about AI in the future dating world.

The good news is we matchmakers are still the human vetting process filter. At H4M, everyone we introduce has done the same interview with me and the same criminal background check. We actually KNOW the singles we are introducing.

When you are ready to have quality and compatible introductions, we are ready to tell you about each other. And let's get you introduced in the next week.

**No wasting six months "talking" or allegedly communicating with someone you think is real, only to learn you were being baited by a bot or a scammer.

**No wasting weeks or months of a daily or nightly dopamine rush from the alleged eligible single online, only to crash when you learn the truth.

**No combing through tons of texts and messages to eventually discover that they are severe introverts or socially awkward and immature, using AI to communicate with you, and really not compatible with you. At. All.

The thousands of H4M singles we polled were so generous in their responses and honesty that we share with you the full results:

Do you think it is easier or harder to find a meaningful connection with someone through dating apps or websites compared to offline methods?

  • 58.3% Harder

  • 25.4% No Difference

  • 16.3% Easier

Do you think dating apps or websites have made dating more or less stressful for you

  • 56.7% More Stressful

  • 26.6% Unsure

  • 16.7% Less Stressful

How impactful do you find AI (artificial intelligence)'s role in dating and matchmaking, based on your experiences?

  • 5.3% Highly impactful

  • 18% Somewhat impactful

  • 54.8% Neutral

  • 10.2% Not very impactful

  • 11.7% Not impactful at all

Have you used AI features on dating apps? If yes, how often do you feel they are deceptive?

  • 8.9% Yes, often deceptive

  • 16% Yes, sometimes deceptive

  • 5.3% No, not deceptive

  • 69.8% Have not used AI features

If you use AI in dating, what percentage of the info and conversation between you and your potential partner is through AI?

  • 75% None

  • 25% 25 percent or more

Have you ever been deceived by an AI or chatbot while using a dating app?

  • 28.9% Yes

  • 27.8% No

  • 43.3% Unsure

On a scale of 1 to 5, how concerned are you with AI's role in dating?

  • 15.5% 1 - Not at all

  • 10.8% 2 - Slightly

  • 30% 3 - Concerned

  • 20.2% 4 - Slightly more concerned

  • 23.5% 5 - Very concerned

What are your thoughts on the ethics of using AI in dating and matchmaking?

  • 15.5% - Highly unethical

  • 26.4% - Somewhat unethical

  • 50.4% - Unsure

  • 4.9% - Somewhat ethical

  • 2.8% Highly ethical

Would you consider using AI if you believed it could increase your chances of getting an in-person date?

  • 48.8% Yes

  • 21.9% No

  • 29.3% Unsure

Have you ever been deceived by AI or catfished while using a dating app?

  • 44.6% Yes

  • 27.7% No

  • 27.7% Unsure

Have you ever engaged in catfishing or misrepresented yourself on a dating app?

  • 3.9% Yes

  • 96.1% No

Please do not think I advocate for one or the other. I continued to date on my own when I hired my offline matchmaker. I looked at it as outsourcing a REAL search. I wanted to continue socially dating while retaining a matchmaker to find a real, quality, compatible, eligible, and emotionally mature and available match. I wanted introductions with someone who wanted what I wanted. And I met the singles I would have never met on my own. Until I found the one.

Matchmakers say, “It takes one, and you're done.” So don’t beat yourself up over your own search efforts or the time you perhaps fell for something or someone not real. You are human, and tech can help your efforts and hurt them as well.

For years, I have told and hopefully comforted singles by reminding them, “You are not alone.” Not in your stories. Not in your needs, hopes, wants, desires, and dreams. When and if you are ever ready, let us introduce you to each other.

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For more information on traditional introductions, courting, and dating for today’s modern gay single, contact H4M—the offline, personal matchmaking service designed exclusively for those seeking a long-term relationship. You can also follow our Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter for inspiration on finding love. #loveislove
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