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Three Bloopers on a First Date

by Tammy Shaklee, Relationship Expert and H4M FounderDecember 13, 2021

For more than nine years, I’ve taken live feedback calls the day after a first-date introduction. And I'll be honest, it's not always good. With only one chance to make a first impression, there’s nothing like an imaginary bloopers reel in your head that you so desperately wish you could take back. If only you could. 

Too often, folks get so comfortable on a first date that they let it all hang out. What is in their head comes rushing out of their mouth to the fright of their date. Please, my dear singles, think about what you are saying before you say it. If not, I have to hear about it after the fact.

So as my holiday gift to you, I want to share the TOP THREE first-date blunders. This will hopefully help you prepare for your next first date in the New Year with what to NOT talk about and with the best topics to secure a chosen second date. Per the eligible singles we work with, these are the hot topics not to address:

1. Do NOT talk negatively about matchmaking or the dating process.  

Don’t talk about any frustration with your matchmaker and the matchmaking process or bait your date to tell negative stories as well. Showing up for a first date with any discontent does not shine a bright light on your pleasant disposition, just your negative attitude.

When you talk about your past introduction and what you did not like, it sets the stage for your date to count down the minutes to end THIS introduction. A polite date will become more tight-lipped—so as to not be a part of your story the next time.

2. Do NOT ask for long-term decision-making declarations. 

You don’t want your date to feel as if you’re checking boxes to pre-qualify them as a future partner. Please do NOT ask: Will you move? Will you have children? Will you consider living out of the country?

If my spouse had asked me if I would move on the first date, I would have run for the hills. How presumptuous to think I could make a declaration about that when I am still trying to decide if this will even lead to a second date.

3. Do NOT talk even for one minute about your ex-partner or spouse. 

Avoid talking too much about the past when your date is sitting in front of you—be present in this moment. Spend time together here and now.

If you are too focused on the past and not the present, perhaps you should have postponed this new introduction. When you cannot be mindful and present, you might be wasting your date’s time and yours.

I realize the above may sound simple for some, but it would not be worthy of one of my occasional blogs if I didn't hear it over and over. Bring your best self, bring your joyful topics, and be the type of person someone would want to come home to after a long day's work. 

If you're negative on a first date, how can your date envision it getting any better? Be happy, be hopeful, be cheerful, yet be yourself. Be the partner you want to meet. And if you’re still not sure how to do that, I'm proud to continue to provide unlimited dating coaching for all of our clients. So call us. I can help.

For more information on traditional introductions, courting, and dating for today’s modern gay single, contact H4M—the offline, personal matchmaking service designed exclusively for those seeking a long-term relationship. You can also follow our Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter for inspiration on finding love. #loveislove
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