The Man You Date. Wait, I Mean Marry.Jan 27, 2016
Yes, gentlemen. There is often a difference. An important distinction. Not everything in life is black and white. In most things, there is some grey area. And I guess that could apply here too. But after interviewing eligible gay men for more than three years, I can tell you, there’s some wildly consistent beliefs and behaviors I feel important to point out to you.
Online, anyone can “talk” to anyone, if you choose. If you never really plan to meet, there’s no real risk in texting, sexting, emailing, flirting, or chatting it up. It’s human interaction. If you’re not intentionally hurting someone, it can even be healthy. Hell, I even coach sometimes to have a crush. Get the juices flowing, if you will, so that you’re primed and ready to meet the right guy for a relationship. Don’t give up on love. Have a crush. Believe in lust, attraction, passion, and desire. BUT don’t confuse it with mutual attraction or compatibility.
As I’ve written in this blog time and time before, compatibility means he would choose you back. Whether that means for a date, a second date, a relationship, or even marriage. Compatibility is key. One-way attraction and desire is not compatibility.
Certified matchmakers sign a code of ethics. We conduct business based on introducing you to a fellow single whom you have a probability of compatibility. The development of a connection or chemistry is up to each of you, when you have an open mind and open heart. It doesn’t always happen on the first 5 minutes of an introduction, which is why we coordinate both the first and the second date, by the way. (My hubby and I are living proof that attraction can start to develop on the second successful date.)
For years now, men have called in to our office the day after their first date, to conduct the feedback process with our staff. I can not tell you how predictable it is that eventually a man in his 40s, 50s, 60s, and even 70s, will say to us the classic line that makes my heart hurt to this day.
In an effort to help with our matchmaking process for the next match, we will invariably hear, “LET ME SEND YOU SOME PHOTOS OF THE (YOUNG, GOOD LOOKING) GUYS I’M TALKING TO ONLINE. Maybe that will help.”
Matchmaking is not a vending machine of cute, young, or even hot guys ready to become your husband. LIFE is not a smorgasbord of model-worthy men standing by for your proposal. But the online and app driven society we’ve all become accustomed (addicted) to has started to condition our brains to believe it’s all out there for the asking. Today’s app is an online menu of naked torsos. Scroll to your heart’s desire.
Gentlemen, if it seems and feels and makes you wonder if it’s too good to be true? It probably is.