I Repeat, This is NOT an Interview

Imagine if you came home at day's end to a partner who immediately asked you 30 probing questions. Eeeek. Whoa. Back way up, bucko. I was just hoping to come home to enjoy changing out of work clothes, or fitness gear, and having a nice glass of iced tea or vino. I was expecting us to gently engage in each other's reports of the day.

Now, let's talk about a first date in today's IRL. In real life, singles may need to be reminded that dating is not an episode of one of the many ridiculous reality shows. You're not talking through a solid wall in a pod, you're not on an island, you're not sharing a house, or a jungle, or an extreme sport challenge. You are simply meeting someone new.

So, think back to when you first met some of your best friends. Do you remember the first time you met them — where you were, some of the things you enjoyed talking about or learning about them, or even what you shared about yourself? When you slowly and appropriately started to get to know them? You didn't know that you would someday be best friends. You found them interesting, engaging, smart, savvy, maybe even funny. And then you mutually continued to get to know each other.

You did NOT ask that new acquaintance on a first meeting things like:

Do you want kids? Can you tell me about all of your exes? Would you live abroad? Is there a history of alcoholism in your family? Would you ever have an open relationship? What sports do you currently play regularly? What is your relationship with your mom?

I know these seem extreme, especially when you read them out loud. And especially knowing these are real things I have heard reported in feedback calls the day after an introduction.

With that, I feel I should share with you the BEST topics and dialogue I have heard in our 13 years of live confidential feedback calls. Singles recall what they enjoyed about their first date, when the other person said or asked things like:

I'm excited about a couple of trips I have planned this year and next — how about you? After this, I get to go home to walk my sweet 13-year-old dog. Do you have any fur babies? I signed up for a cooking class last week, and I'm wondering if my new mad skills may be surpassing yours? I've picked back up my guitar after years of it on a stand in the corner, and now I'm taking adult music lessons. Do you play? Is there anything on this menu that you like or think I should try, or we should split? Yesterday, I spent the day spring cleaning and donating things to charity. Do you ever get involved in charities or volunteer? I saw on the community calendar a couple of cool things coming up this month. Do you have anything on your calendar too? Tomorrow I have my standing lunch with my elder aunt. Do you have any new places you'd recommend I take her?

Singles. Turn off the bogus "reality shows" and get real. Become or return to being the conversationalist you would appreciate meeting. If needed, jot down a few topics like the above BEST list that apply to your current and real life. What are your current hobbies, passions, interests? Things you might want to return to and enjoy, or even something new to try. What is your daily life like that might interest someone new? What's your favorite music to listen to? Your latest concert or live music experience? What are you currently streaming online?

Spring clean your first date bad habits that need a refresh. Throw away the trash. Let the good in your life shine. Meet others who are also putting themselves out there, trying to do the same. Find compatibility in the good. Seek the ideal person you would want to come home to at day's end. And be the person they cannot wait to engage with as well. The ideal real life.