Own Who You Are Todayby Tammy Shaklee, Relationship Expert and H4M FounderAugust 20, 2016
This evening, yet again, I wrap up an incoming business telephone call with a successful bachelor in his 50s. He’s driven, intelligent, caring, nice looking, and eligible. He’s giving to his community, his alma mater, those in need, and the underdog. He loves a challenge. He’s sought after professionally. He’s good to his family and friends. After hearing his story, I believe, it’s now time for him to be good to himself.
“I’m writing notes furiously,” he said. Our conversation was more than intake for a potential client. His call was for validation. Acceptance. And ultimately for encouragement he didn’t even expect to receive. “Tell me about that one bachelor again (no names were given), and what his frustration was, as I can relate.”
Singles today often feel overwhelmed with the perceived need to compete. To look or act like the best. But when some initially become obsessed with competitive parameters, I encourage re-alignment. Focus on the inside too, not just the outside.
At any age, and level of accomplishment, I encourage bachelors to take stock. Where and what did you come from? How far have you come? What obstacles have you overcome and continue to battle? Today, you are where you are supposed to be, and should be proud of what and who you have become. Putting yourself out there as a single is not about competition; it’s about ownership. Of what makes you unique.
More than any other topic in my niche market of certified and offline matchmaking for gay men, the issue of age comes up most consistently. Men over 30 will say in an eerily similar way each time, “I’m (fill in the blank) 53. BUT guys think I don’t look older than (fill in the blank) early 40s.”
Then with a quick review of their social media, or even if they share their online profiles, I can see why. Most of the photos are so outdated, that I remember that popular striped jersey style from the 80s. Just recently I recognized someone from his college campus photo, but I didn’t recognize a photo of him today when I finally got a copy. He was cute in college. Hell, we all were. And while it’s fun with a partner to look at old photos, please remember that a potential partner is meeting you just as you are today. He’s looking for more than looks, he wants to learn about the man.
TODAY we represent our clients as the seasoned, developed, matured, and pro-active healthy, fit and fine men that we know them to be. Their years of education, progressive careers, learning, failures and successes, and even loves lost, make them interesting. We adore a multi-faceted man. One who makes for an interesting date because they are honest about their years of complexity and how they can reflect on it with some level of pride. We represent the man they are at present, and where they’re going, but also where they’ve been.
For years now, I have had men tell me sometimes for the first time that they were gay, that they are ready to finally live an authentic life, that they are ready to meet their person. I know for many that it took a lot of courage to finally call us. It’s a lifeline for some, and an easier call for others. Clicking “send” on the online inquiry was a determined move.
So don’t let your life be dictated by the “used to be” of yesteryear. Who and how you are today is just enough for the right partner to choose you back. It’s called compatibility, and we specialize in it. But it’s because we take the time to get to know you and who you are at this moment in time. We find the best in you, sometimes make a little modification here or there to update your best first impression, then introduce you to a bachelor who has done the same.
Some need to be reminded to be true to yourself in a world where everyone tries to be someone he isn’t. Let this encourage you to never give up on yourself or your dreams, because you have what it takes to achieve what you want. And, ultimately? You get what you give. So own it.