Love Can Change YOUR World in a Momentby Tammy Shaklee, Relationship Expert and H4M FounderSep 26, 2017
But what do I know? I’ve only been a proponent for more traditional introductions, courting, and dating, since, well since, forever. I’m a romantic at heart I guess? But I’m also pretty practical. I’ve seen hard times, and good, been blessed, and been challenged. And what completes life’s milestones for me is to share in those times with someone special. Maybe it’s the love of your closest friends and family when things count. But to truly share your heart with a special someone and have a reciprocal relationship is wildly fulfilling.
So many ambitious, determined, and driven gay singles work incredibly hard at engineering their path, and achieving their goals, first in education, then in career. For five years, I have interviewed the most impressive and fascinating gay men and women. I’ve been absolutely blown away by their self-reliance, perseverance, educational achievements, early rise to career heights, and financial success. Then there’s travel. One thing I did not expect was to learn of how worldly singles could be, in boldly and regularly venturing to places around the globe on their own, or with friends.
But where’s the love? I believe in romance, and have eyes wide open to it in every stage of my life. When in Rome on a girls’ trip a dozen years ago, and touring the Sistine Chapel at the Vatican, my girlfriends and I were enjoying the company of a helpful, kind and handsome, young security officer. He then surprisingly asked if I wanted to meet for coffee that evening. And we did. That was that, nothing more. But it was my moment of romance in Rome. And it perpetuated my belief in the perfect match for me, no matter where or how I might meet him.
Today’s endless inundation of photos or headshots on social media and dating platforms can skew who is really out there and available and seeking a long-term relationship. With all of the choices, my husband and I probably would have never “swiped right” on each other. Not based on a single photo. It would not have revealed our sense of adventure, mutual love for entertaining, respect for continued learning and work ethic, and how compatible we are for each other.
It takes a real, live introduction. And as the anthropologists say, up to four good dates to see if this person could be in your future. Not much sexual attraction on the first date you say? Really? Me either. By the end of the second date, however, I began to see the old fashioned charm, the quirky humor, the weathered good looks, enjoying the adventurous storytelling, his manners, and his nature to be a caretaker. Now that’s attractive. The type of partner and relationship that would be sustainable for a long, long time. But it doesn’t always happen in just a moment, but over a bit of time. And it’s worth every minute.
So along with achievement, I coach my clients on opening your mind and heart to love. And it may initially look and feel a bit different that what you would have designed for your life. While other goals you may have had more control over, love can’t be dictated. But it can be sought after. Let’s start the search, shall we?