It’s Just One Day – And You Are Not Aloneby Tammy Shaklee, Relationship Expert and H4M FounderJanuary 28, 2020
For more than seven years, I have interviewed, talked to, listened to, met with, became friends with, cheered on, consoled, and encouraged thousands of LGBTQ singles, from ages 20s to 70s. Love is not a day on the calendar. It is a feeling, an emotion, a belief that can be fostered every day from within. #LeadWithLove is our company hashtag, but more than that, it’s our spirit.
The best matchmaking clients are those who have an open heart and an open mind. The initial one-on-one interview is designed to uncover parameters of what a person is seeking in a potential match. But at interview’s end, we really spend time reviewing their “homework” of what qualities and values could make a partner compatible. With what type of person would you want to spend your time?
KIND is the number one answer.
To lead with love, one must first love themselves. And while the interviewee is referring to the other single being kind to others, I also listen to learn if this single is first being kind to themselves.
Someone who takes care of themselves is attractive, and even magnetic, and that can be sustainable in a relationship. What are you eating, what do you do to stay in shape, what do you listen to, watch, read, and with who and what do you surround yourself? Get relationship ready, and emotionally available. Same sex attraction, courting, and dating does change some of the expected behaviors in getting to know a new person. But in humankind, there are basic behaviors that are either desirable or not desirable. For example, no one has ever asked me to be introduced to a cigarette smoker, never once. And no one has ever asked to meet someone who has rage or a short temper.
All singles want to meet a good person, someone who is an equal in morals, ethics, and likelihood for longevity together. While this may be sounding a little too “Positive Polly” for you, please know I may have designed the questions, but not the resoundingly similar and consistent answers.
For years, LGBTQ singles tell me they sometimes wonder if they are the only one seeking a committed long-term relationship. They sometimes question their own intense focus on achievement, education, or career. They take pride in being a good friend, or sibling, or family member, often a responsible caretaker for others. But they admit they haven’t always taken time to prioritize either seeking or even nurturing a romantic relationship.
You are not alone. Not today, not ever. And it’s not too late, ever.
As an academic lesbian single said it today, online dating is criteria dating. And there are volumes of criteria out there. I say in offline matchmaking, compatibility is not a photo, height, weight, hair color, or style. It is another human’s attractiveness also in their beliefs, behaviors, contributions, and attitude. Both yours, and theirs. If something is blocking love for yourself, first reach out to talk to someone, connect, and begin to address it today. There are 364 days left to find love in the next year. You have time to find it, in your many years of this wildly unique life you are blessed to live.