Go Ahead, Have a Spring Flingby Tammy Shaklee, Relationship Expert and H4M FounderMay 18, 2015
I know, I know, one can get a little nauseous with the overly-romantic references to love. Whether it’s around Valentine’s, other milestone holidays, and even Spring, with love in the air. But as a certified matchmaker, I can tell you, trends on love and seeking love can be cyclical. You’d be surprised with Fall’s first cold snap, how many start to focus on a great guy to snuggle with during winter.
But it’s Spring; Being open to at least one date is in the air. The serious Texas heat hasn’t yet hit, and it’s the perfect time to be outside (if you can control your allergies, of course). While I coach on getting a first date, and how to be most successful on a date, I also share some simple encouragement to spend a beautiful Spring day with a fellow single. When on your day off, the morning sun starts to stream through the window, and the temperature invites you to leave the back door or window open, inhale nature, and exhale with purpose.
At the recent International Matchmaker’s Conference, Sex Expert Dr. Kat Smith, confirmed that sexual energy needs to flow within your body. I’m here to foster that energy and channel it in to steps that can lead to dating. When I take an occasional “Dating Coaching Client” we often start by listing his current crush or distraction. Let’s list up to three, shall we? When a client can’t really list anyone he has a secret or not-so-secret crush on, we’ve got our first exercise. It’s healthy to have a crush, to admire a fantasy date, even if he’s currently taken. It keeps that sexual energy flowing. Even if you realistically know he can’t be the one, he can inspire action. And the act of asking out an eligible single is great practice to getting your dating life up and running.
Dating? Do gay men really date? The answer is yes. Not group dates, but one on one time spent getting to know each other. It works. It’s not scary, or corny, or frivolous. It’s healthy. Most of my clients refer to it as, “I’d really like to hang out with him again.” Exactly! That’s dating, folks. I know it can be frustrating still being single when you’re the guy who’s serious about a long-term relationship. So practice the traditional courting gesture by inviting a great guy to hang out and enjoy a couple of hours together.
Even when life hands you lemons, make some homemade lemonade for a picnic (or simply slice them in a pitcher of Crystal Light). Grab a couple of beach towels, some sandwiches from your favorite deli, and sit in the shade on the grounds of your local university campus. In Austin, our favorite spot for a picnic is the grounds of the Capitol. It’s an ideal place for people watching. If applicable, take a bottle of wine, sparkling water, deck of cards, a couple of magazines, just not your phone (unless it’s ONLY for a photo to capture the beauty of the day or to play some nice jazz).
I interviewed a bachelor yesterday who listed walking several of Houston’s parks as his favorite thing to do on the weekends. He’s not the guy wearing his ear buds, disengaged with his eyes on the path. He’s the good look guy who’s briskly walking, enjoying the sites and sounds of nature, and recharging from his demanding career. My goal is now to find him the compatible match who’s going to share that path with him for the rest of his life.
In the meantime, I’m still encouraging him to ask out a date while you wait. True story: I recently had a Matchmaking Client go on hold because he had a crush on, and then dated exclusively…the barista at his local coffee shop. Good for him, we thought. He had an open heart, an open mind, took action, and had a fulfilling relationship. And it all started with eye contact, inquisitive conversation, and the art of asking one out. #LoveIsLove has so many applicable meanings.
As Rumi says, “What you are seeking is seeking you.” I tell clients every week, “He is looking for you as hard as you are looking for him, I can guarantee.” So get that energy flowing this Spring, and ask out your crush. I’ll even coach you on the lemonade.