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Dating With Intention Not Intensity

by Tammy Shaklee, Relationship Expert and H4M FounderMay 21, 2021

Being purposeful is admirable. Being restrictive can be off-putting. What kind of dater are you? When we as humans are goal setting and results-oriented in our professional and personal life, does it appropriately transfer to our dating style? Can humans control everything? Is there a higher power at work to make things come true for you, sometimes even greater than the goals you had set for yourself? Do you believe in the difference between purpose and power?

Weekly, I am inspired by our H4M matchmaking clients. They help shine a light on what is possible and what may be a little too much. I see myself in some of their behaviors. I look back to the type of dater I was at different stages of my life. Whimsical versus intense.

Often, when I saw a picture-perfect life for me to fit right into with a potential partner, it was actually with the wrong person. And then the messy picture of a potential partner's current stage of life was exactly what I needed. It was really a better fit—for me and for them.

Since the pause of the pandemic, singles have shared with me their reflections. So many have become more discerning. There are those (like I was back in the day) who were happy with dating around "to see who's out there." I've heard various singles say this over the years. Some of those very singles are now saying, "I'm no longer interested in just a date. I'm truly seeking compatibility.” They want a committed relationship with a real future.

So many singles tell me they are dating with intention this year. But let me advise you, even with your laser focus, it still means being the lighthearted, smart, savvy, sexual, discerning but fun, and multifaceted individual that you are. This "vaccine spring" and summer, take a deep breath. Let the Universe be at work in your introductions and dating of new potential partners. Resist the urge to control everything. Simply show up as you truly are and want to be in a long-term, sustainable relationship. Be the post-pandemic you and see who might be a good fit for your future.

We have all changed and grown over the last year in a shared global experience. Now open your eyes, heart, and mind to what a real compatible partnership could look like for the new you. If needed, we are here to help.

For more information on traditional introductions, courting, and dating for today’s modern gay single, contact H4M—the offline, personal matchmaking service designed exclusively for those seeking a long-term relationship. You can also follow our Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter for inspiration on finding love. #loveislove
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"Can you put things on pause for a little while? I want to see where this match goes before meeting anyone new."- Bachelor, DC, 35
Philosophy #10

You are never too young or too old to fall for the one who deserves your heart.